From f34299ec45106a5c14d1118611a3300d84aa7899 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Jef Roosens Date: Sat, 14 Aug 2021 18:55:37 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] Stress --- content/posts/stress.md | 59 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 59 insertions(+) create mode 100644 content/posts/stress.md diff --git a/content/posts/stress.md b/content/posts/stress.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b6179ec --- /dev/null +++ b/content/posts/stress.md @@ -0,0 +1,59 @@ +--- +title: "I Honestly Feel Like Shit" +date: "2021-08-14" +--- + +Well this blog's been dead for a while, cuz I honestly haven't had time to work +on it all. I've been way too busy with college (and failing it) + I've been +going through some rough times mentally (break-ups are never fun). + +Ever since I started college, I've been really passionate about computers, +software, hardware & everything in between, but nowadays, I'm honestly just +kinda empty inside; I've got no energy left to be passionate about my projects. +I've got so many ideas, but I just burn out the moment I start them. I'm +constantly trying to work on my college projects, and right now I'm studying +for my second-chance exams, because I royally fucked up this year. I'm only in +my second year of my bachelor's degree, yet it already feels like I'm trying to +do some impossible task. I honestly don't know if I'm even fit to finish this +degree. I just cave under the insane pressure & stress that I'm feeling right +now. I don't want to disappoint my parents and sister because I know they do +truly believe in me, but it's really hard to find motivation for anything if +you don't believe in yourself. + +So now I'm just sitting here writing some random blog post to post on a blog +that nobody follows (not that I'm really trying to make it appealing right +now). I'm tired all the time because I can't sleep, which makes studying even +less productive resulting in more negative thoughts; the loop just goes on and +on and on. I'm just terrified that I'm not gonna be able to finish my degree, +and I'd honestly just hate myself if that happened. + +I tried civil engineering before switching to computer science, but that was a +full-on trainwreck. I just came out of a rather bumpy relationship, so I wasn't +in the best state of mind to begin with. I just resorted to drinking 'till I +nearly passed out multiple times a week cuz I wanted to "forget" (a classic). +At one point, it even got so bad my family begged me to see a therapist, which +I did shortly after. It took a few months, but that did really help me & by the +end of that academic year, I was feeling much better. After failing literally +all my engineering exams, I (with some much-needed pushes from my sister) +decided to switch to computer science. I aced the first semester, which did +give me a big confidence boost. I felt good for a semester, and I met my lovely +new girlfriend. Second semester comes around, and it didn't go quite as well +but it was still much better than the year before. At the end of the year, I +passed 9 out of 10 courses so I was feeling pretty good then. The second year +however went *a lot* worse. The work pressure was huge, basically every course +required us to make at least one big project. I honestly couldn't take it, so +by the end of that semester I failed 4 out of 5 courses. Second semester went +just about as bad, failing 3 out of the 6 courses I took (even the one from the +previous year). Right after the exams, I also broke up with my girlfriend. So +now I'm here, the second-chance exams (I honestly have no idea what these are +called in English) are just a few days away, and I'm mentally & emotionally +drained. I just need some rest. Usually people have some vacation after the +exams, but because I have so many that I have to redo I started studying in the +middle of July, giving me barely 3 weeks of actual rest instead of the expected +3 months. And of course, during these 3 weeks, all I did was stress about my +exams and think about my break-up; truly a perfect resting period. + +Some people might think this is just me complaining (I'm inclined to agree), +but I just needed a place to post this & clear my thoughts. For anyone reading +this, sorry you had to read that badly-written rant, but it's a little peek +into my state of mind right now.