feeling-slightly-off: added post

content/posts/feeling-slightly-off/index.md

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+---
+title: "Feeling Slightly Off"
+date: 2023-03-18
+---
+
+This weekend's the first time in a couple of weeks that I've had a bit of
+breathing space. I've started to realize that I've been feeling a bit off. I've
+had a busy schedule this semester, lots of people to catch up with, and more
+uni work than I expected. Yesterday was the first climax of this, with two
+deadlines and a group presentation due. It became so busy I had to cancel a fun
+evening solely due to uni work.
+
+These last couple of weeks, I've been going through life chasing my calendar,
+making sure I meet deadlines, while constantly remembering that I still have
+stuff to do in the evening. Don't get me wrong, I loved every social outing,
+but I'm aware that I tend to sacrifice a bit of myself sometimes to keep this
+schedule going. It's not the first time I've been stressed about going out, due
+to me planning too many things to do. I find myself coming home tired from
+studying and classes, taking a quick shower and chugging a Red Bull before
+going out again an hour later. I don't like saying no to outings, and I've
+always got some FOMO.
+
+My sleep's been suffering, but more importantly, I've caught myself caring less
+about my health. When I come home for the weekend, I find myself answering "oh,
+I haven't checked it" when my dad asks whether my blood pressure and weight are
+still in check, and I haven't gone running in a week. After a while I started
+noticing this, and it's given me this slight feeling of dread, and perhaps a
+lack of control. I can be a bit paranoid about my health sometimes, and these
+habits kept that feeling in check, but now it's bubbling up ever so slightly.
+
+Ever since I've had my appendix removed, I've been out of this rhythm I had
+created over the last year. Running was very much a key part of this routine,
+something that helped keep everything grounded. I knew that I went running
+every two days. It didn't feel like an obligation, but the idea of that rigid
+schedule helped me plan everything else. Because I wasn't able to exercise for
+a few weeks after the surgery (partially due to me being too paranoid about it
+all), I've lost this feeling of consistency, and I've been struggling to find
+it back. At this point, my body has fully healed and I'd be perfectly able to
+handle this rhythm again, but I just haven't found that same flow.
+
+My food hasn't been too healthy either. I've eaten a lot of junk food, more
+than usual. Normally I don't mind this considering I partially compensated for
+this by running, but recently that argument hasn't worked, so I'm fearing that
+I'll start gaining weight again. On a brighter note, I've started prepping
+lunches for the week (partially due to uni restaurants being way too expensive
+nowadays), but I want to start pairing this habit with proper evening meals,
+instead of junk food 2-3 times a week.
+
+All this has combined into a sense of fear, fear that it might come to bite me
+in the ass some day. I felt the need to write these thoughts down, to collect
+them properly in my head. On this Saturday, I felt the need to take control of
+my schedule again. Luckily I have some breathing room next week as I have no
+deadlines due, and I hope to use this time to start getting back into this
+rhythm.
+
+As usual, I don't know how to end these posts, they're more of a dump of
+thoughts than anything else. I'm well aware this post could come off as
+pretentious. I'm basically complaining about having too many things to do while
+having shitty time management, and that's fine. After all, I'm collecting *my*
+thoughts. Thanks for reading.